The Feeling of Never Good Enough

Oddly, because I don’t know about anybody else, I always felt like this. Is it really odd? Or is it just a form of being modest? That I always look up to somebody, seek a mentor, or role model? Feeling that there’s somebody that always does or thinks better than me, executes ideas better than I did in a certain field. That’s what I have in mind, always hovering somehow. For me, it’s so very uncomfortable.

Even if after I did something good, or at least as good as from what my perspective says, then that feeling comes back. After teaching at my class for example. I always ask myself, “Am I good enough for them, my students, who spend two and a half hours every week, sitting in front of their laptop or smartphone, listening to what I said?”

This also happened at work. I am luckily placed in a quite strategic area. And it’s all about how the company will find another way to strive, to go through at these pandemic times, to stay exist and survive in the very long run. Yes, strategically. “Am I good enough to do this? Have I stayed here for too long? Am I just waiting for someone younger, that someday will replace me, or be my superior?” That’s a question that comes from a 40-year-old guy, who already spent 15 years of his time working at the same company. Yes, I am anxious!

Is it too late to switch companies? Am I gonna spent most of my productive times here? I really don’t know. My advantage is, I always try to be ahead of the game. Learn something new, fast, and be good at it. When all of them still figure out their day by day doing what they do, I started to think of something else, I started to learn about digital marketing. When it comes to almost everyone at the company has the same level of understanding of digital marketing, I found something rather more interesting. omni channel marketing. Later on, I brand myself as an omni channel marketer.

Yes, I’ve been called to several webinars to share things about these omni channel Marketing ideas, that strategically and tactically implemented at my company. But the question remains the same. “Am I really good enough to be called to inspire those people about the idea? Or am I just lucky somehow?”

Because perhaps it’s right, that I was never good enough. But I always try to do what I do, or something that I assigned to do, passionately.

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